


Can't let you go

by Fietsmandje



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tokio Hotel
Genre: Drama, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-04
Updated: 2011-06-04
Packaged: 2017-10-20 02:57:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/208036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fietsmandje/pseuds/Fietsmandje
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Guess it was not meant to be<br/>It's not as bad as it seems</p><p>Everything in me wants you back in my life<br/>Can't let you go"</p><p>Tom and Adam deal with their breakup, both wishing they hadn't broken up in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't let you go

_Guess it was not meant to be  
It's not as bad as it seems  
It only burns when I breathe ye ye yeah  
You saw the way that I fell  
But I'm better off by myself  
That's the tale I like to tell yeah_

A man with dark hair walks down the street with his head bend, he hides his hands deep within the pockets of a worn pair of jeans, while he tries to disappear in the crowded shopping street. His best friend has told him that it will help to shop, to just pointlessly throw his money on absolutely nothing and simply focus his thoughts on other things.

Unfortunately everything around him reminds him off the man that broke his heart, from the music coming from the stores in the street to the man on the corner off the street, playing guitar and wearing a worn cap. And who happens to start playing one off his songs right at the moment that he passes him. Tears appear in his eyes, but before they can really fall down, they are wiped away roughly and then pushed away ad far as possible. The man looks at his reflection in a shop-window and sighs when he sees how sad he looks. The corners off his mouth are turned down, his eyes appear watery and an ashen color has fallen upon his face, he doesn’t recognize himself anymore. The hollow cheeks remind him of someone else, someone that makes him think off ‘him’ again.

His ringtone pulled him from his destructive thoughts and allowed him to see his surroundings better; the annoyed looks from the businessmen who were interrupted in their conversations by his melody, the smiles off girls that recognized it as one of his own songs and softly start to sing along and the mothers that look at him compassionately because they look beyond the man that is not picking up his phone. He finally picks up, without looking at the display to see who might be calling him, and walks over to the only bench that is a bit more away from the guitarist. He sighs when he hears his best friend in his ear and starts to tell him for the hundredth time already that he is alright, that it is better for him that he continues alone, but his friend doesn’t believe him, he has heard those words too many times already. And he hears the comforting and soothing words his friend speaks to him, for the umpteenth time too.

 _It feels like the dawn of the dead  
Like bombs going off in my head  
Never a moment of rest ye ye yeah  
Nothing kills more than to know  
That this is the end of the road  
And I know I gotta let go_

In a room in a big hotel a young man shoots up straight, for the umpteenth time in a really short time he dreamed that his lover, scratch that ex-lover, threw himself from a building, meeting his untimely demise. His breathing comes in short, violent jerks and he looks around himself in panic. Not until he sees a familiar figure in the door of the adjoining room, does he calm down. Even though the curtains are closed daylight filters through them and shines on the face of the other man. He nods when he sees the worried look in his dark eyes and watches as the younger of the two makes his way over to the bed and sit down on it carefully.

Arms are let down on his shoulders and he lets himself be comforted by the tender caresses that the hands make on his back. He lets himself fall into the warm embrace and let his tears flow freely, knowing it would take a long time before the breakup would stop torturing him, before the face of the man, who turns his dreams into nightmares, will fade and maybe someday will be replaced by another face. Although he fears that will never happen, the other man makes his heart beat too fast still for that to happen, haunts his thoughts too much still. And yet it didn’t work any longer, they saw too little of each other, didn’t trust each other well enough, Adam especially had trouble with that, and after the umpteenth fight the couple decided to go their own ways, that it would be better if they continued on their own from then on.

A loud knock on the door breaks through the soft sobbing in the room and makes the two men slide apart, Bill looks at Tom questioningly, he nods softly as he wipes the tears from his cheeks. When he is absolutely sure there’s not a trace left, he gets up and lets the other two members of their band in, they embrace him shortly and whisper to him that it will be okay one day and that it is time for him to let go.

 _Wish I could just find a way  
To have all your memories erased  
Cos constantly they're haunting me  
But it's not that easy for me to say goodbye_

The pictures on the wall are slowly driving him insane, he does not want them there, but he can’t bring himself to take them off the wall and store them in the boxes his best friend has brought down a week ago, telling him to put everything that reminds him of Tom in them. Adam shakes as he brings his hand to the newest picture, they are laughing in it but the breach was already there. If only they had worked more on closing that gap, than maybe they would still be together right now. Adam feels the tears prickle again and for the first time in weeks he lets them fall freely without putting up a fight, maybe it will help this time to fade out the memories or maybe even erase them.

The television in the corner of the room is turned on to a music channel, the only thing that could tempt him into watching when he turned the thing on. The rest of the channels were playing reruns of the news or just a test pattern. A familiar tune makes him look from the pictures to the screen and then he sees Tom for the first time since their breakup. The guitarist looks the way Adam feels; worn out and tired of fighting memories. Before he even knows what he’s doing, he has taken out his phone and dialing the number of the younger man. His best friend would have stopped him if he had been there, but for the first time Adam is glad that he has been too busy to be concerned with the broken heart of his friend.

When the dial tone become the voice of the guitarist, telling him to just do his thing, he takes a deep breath and asks him if maybe they had made a mistake, if maybe they had let each other go too soon. The last thing Adam lets Tom know is that he misses him and would much rather have him sitting next to him in stead of there on TV, performing live on a TV-show he obviously doesn’t want to be on. He hangs up and puts the phone down next to him on the couch, he lowers his head into his hands while he sobs and with long gasps, he lets his misery run free.

The doorbell makes him look up, he dejectedly gets up and walks towards the door, He unlocks the door, opens it without looking who is standing in front off it and walks back into the living room. When he reaches the couch, he stands still, he looks at the television screen and only now notices that the show has ended and a new show has started. He feels two arms glide around his hips and allows himself to be turned around; he lifts his head and looks up into the eyes that follow him in his dreams.

“I would like to have you back into my live so much. I can’t live without you.”

 _Everything in me wants you back in my life  
Can't let you go_


End file.
